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It is generally accepted that motherhood is a magical world of happiness, filled with sunbeams, love and endless joy. And this is true, although in reality moments of happiness can also be replaced by quite complex experiences. Many mothers face such difficulties, but it is much easier to live through them if you know that you are not alone. In this article, YokoSun talks about why it's important to talk about the challenges of motherhood. If you are experiencing something similar and want to talk about your experience, please share your story in the comments.
Why can speaking be difficult?
It is believed that the happiness of motherhood cannot be compared with anything, and you can only feel like a real woman when a long-awaited baby is born. There is no point in arguing with these statements; they are true. But not for everyone, but for some – only partly.
It seems that a child must have everything, and most importantly, not have any problems. We ourselves will also have everything: time for ourselves, strength for self-realization, good spirits, and much, much more. Unfortunately, these expectations are not met for everyone and not always. This is where disappointment occurs, which, unfortunately, is embarrassing to admit.
It’s also a shame to admit that we may feel guilty when we don’t spend enough time with our child or don’t sacrifice ourselves enough. Or if we feel irritated when the child cries a lot or is naughty. If this irritation over time develops into anger. If you can’t become an ideal mother.
Probably, all these experiences are constrained by a feeling of shame - because the real picture does not seem to correspond to the one I would like to write. Or a feeling of fear. Fear of condemnation for the fact that in moments of genuine happiness, this happiness is somehow not felt or is still felt, but somehow wrong.
But why is talking still important?
Talking about problems is a big step towards solving them. Firstly, it is overcoming the feeling of loneliness. After having a baby, you can feel isolated and alone, often feeling like no one understands what you're going through. This feeling can haunt you constantly, lead to anxiety and even shut you down even more.
Sharing your experiences is not only a way to ease your mental burden, but also a chance to receive support. The experience of other mothers who have already gone through similar difficulties can be invaluable.
Expressing your feelings in words can improve your condition. This helps you organize your thoughts and emotions and understand what exactly you are experiencing. And hushing up problems can lead to the accumulation of stress, which ultimately affects health and family relationships.
Well, and most importantly: sharing your experiences means setting a good example for your child from a very early age. If this experience becomes positive, then the child will understand that expressing feelings and asking for help when it is needed is normal.
How to start speaking?
First, let's admit: we are imperfect, no matter how much we ourselves or the people around us want it. We can get tired, irritated, anxious - a wide range of emotions, and not always positive. And everyone around you is imperfect, even if it seems like it’s not.
It is important to acknowledge and accept how you feel. Often we try to hide our emotions or consider them insignificant. Recognize that your feelings matter and give yourself permission to feel them. Writing down your thoughts and experiences in a journal or saying them out loud in private can be the first step to voicing them.
Start with small steps - talk about your feelings to a loved one or friend you trust. Choose the aspect that is less painful and gradually move on to others.
If you find it difficult to cope with your emotions on your own, it may be helpful to see a psychologist or psychotherapist. He definitely won't judge. Specialists can offer tools and techniques for coping and help create a safe space for open discussion.
Talking about the challenges of motherhood when you encounter them is not only a step towards healing, but also a true act of courage. Remember that you are not alone and there is no shame in sharing your experiences as a mother. Shall we start now? Share what psychological difficulties you experienced after becoming a mother.