Puberty: what is it and how to prepare for it?

As a child grows up, he goes through several “age-related crises.” For example, the so-called crisis of three years, when the baby begins to be capricious, argue and even protest. But these are just flowers, many believe; the worst thing begins during puberty. In this article, YokoSun looks at what this period is, is it really that scary, and how can parents prepare for it.

What is puberty?

Puberty is the time of puberty of a child, when physiological changes occur in his body. The hormonal background changes, and with it appearance, behavior, emotions and self-awareness. This is a complex and multi-step process.

It occurs differently in girls and boys. Girls' bodies are ready for puberty earlier; it can begin at 8-9 years of age. Boys approach the onset of puberty later, at about 10-11 years of age. It is important to take into account that age limits are conditional. Puberty may begin at different times for different children.

Puberty at first proceeds almost unnoticed. Hormones begin to be produced and accumulated in the body. Their surge in girls occurs at about 11 years old, in boys - at 12. At this time, the so-called “crisis” begins.

Changes in the body also affect the psychological state of the child. He understands that he is changing, but he does not yet understand how to behave in the new role. Fatigue appears and the desire to learn disappears. The child may protest, show aggression, or, conversely, become depressed; manipulation may occur in relations with parents. He thinks about his appearance more often, and the desire to please the opposite sex appears.

But perhaps the most difficult thing for parents is that teenagers begin to have a desire to separate. He often wants to be alone, do something on his own, and eventually locks himself in his room. At this time, the separation process is clearly underway, complex, but very important and necessary for the formation of a healthy psyche.

How to prepare for this?

Literally each stage of a child’s growing up first of all forces parents to change. And this is difficult: just yesterday you literally spent all the time together, and today the child is trying to separate, sometimes aggressively. Sometimes it happens that the relationship with the child worsens not only because he has entered puberty, but also because the parents were not ready for this.

First, you need to get used to the idea that growing up is an inevitable process. Moreover, it is difficult not only for you, but also for the child himself. Therefore, from about 7 years old, when the baby first goes to school, you can prepare him for the fact that puberty will soon begin. Tell the child what it is, how it will change and why the human body is designed this way.

Very soon, literally in a couple of years, his peers will gain great authority in his life. For advice, he may no longer turn to you, but to friends or acquaintances. This is why it is so important to build a warm, trusting relationship with your child. Usually, by the age of seven, the child already does a lot on his own, and for parents this is an opportunity to breathe out and devote more time to themselves. With all this, it is important to continue to devote time to the child: talking, watching movies or looking for other joint entertainment.

Get in your head the idea that the child will still withdraw and resist control. It's difficult, but normal. He will show more independence, choose for himself what to do and with whom to communicate. If it’s difficult to get used to this, and just the thought of separation causes anxiety, you can contact a psychologist.

Puberty has already arrived. How should a parent behave?

Especially for Telegram channel YokoSun family psychologist Anna Shulga gave some advice on how to behave if a child is caught in a lie. These recommendations are also suitable for other conflict situations with a teenager who is going through puberty.

1. In case of conflicts or if you find out that the child has lied, try to restrain a violent negative reaction. At such moments, it is important to find out why the child acted this way or that way.

2. When inviting your child to dialogue, be prepared for criticism. Perhaps he did this because his parents set too many prohibitions and did not explain their behavior. Or maybe the child is offended by you because you do not take his opinion into account.

3. Don't criticize back. This way you will not be able to find out the child’s true motives, but, on the contrary, you only risk undermining his trust. Be that as it may, responsibility for the relationship between the child and parents always lies with adults.

4. If your teen can't hear you, involve another significant adult in the conversation. For example, an older brother or sister, a coach, a teacher.

5. Remember that a child has the right to personal space, time, things and money. He has the right to determine for himself what he likes and what he doesn’t.

Puberty sometimes becomes truly difficult, causing discord in the relationship between parents and child. Let your child know that despite all the difficulties that may arise, you love him for who he is.

Don’t forget to take care of yourself, and if you feel like you can’t cope, try seeing a psychologist. Remember, this is just a period, it will end soon.